i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
