you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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