needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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