the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Two words: blizzard sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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