i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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