I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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