i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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