I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
