That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
