i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
