I want to stick my p in your. b.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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