It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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