I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
