It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
