I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
