He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize