we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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