They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
