I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
