Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
