I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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