I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
