How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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