He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
