I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
