my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
