My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
