So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
