recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize