WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
