she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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