There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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