He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
