Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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