listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
