Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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