is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Damn victory sex feels great
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
