I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
