So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
