Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
