I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He kissed a someone with a penis
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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