I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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