you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
