Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
did you just send me my own nude
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
