im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
