i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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