I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
