Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
