I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize