i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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