I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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