I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
