Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
