Please don't use social media to get back at me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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