I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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