I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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