some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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