If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
