apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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