apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
