I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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