I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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