Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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