You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
