then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize