I puked a lego.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize