Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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