I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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