I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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