Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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