I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
