dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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