No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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