What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
