the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We have started to decorate penises.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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