I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Life is so much better after having sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
