I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
