Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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