well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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