woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
