if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
